Further Ramblings

Old people, they are so sedate, so frail, so conservative. And in the case of my grandmother, so stubborn, so full of pride, so strong in spirit and unwilling to show weakness even to her children.
I find myself thinking of her from time to time, perhaps it is because it is close to qingming the traditional time when those who have passed are said to return briefly to earth.
There is always lingering sadness, regrets for what was not done, frustrations at chances lost, and always underlying that...the feeling that all the things that we work so hard for, all the grievances that we cling to, everything of everything was merely an act, an ant's life....a single flicker of light, a brief flurry of activity...before the great silence...and then I think why insist on so much, why cling so staunchly to things...because ultimately it all passes...the chinese have a great metaphor in describing wealth, power and fame...they call it clouds and smoke passing before your eyes...
Love perhaps has a greater longevity...but ultimately...it too will pass...perhaps with your passing...perhaps with his passing and the passing of all that remenber you have ever walked this earth...the buddhist call it emptiness...that everything is ultimately empty...except the search for enlightenment.
I won't pretend, that I am willing to let this life pass without striving, without loving, without longing...because my heart dictates otherwise...but tonight...remenbering my grandmother and her sad, strong, lonely life...I wonder...