Time and Mortality

I was driving home last night, and marginally by mere centimeters missed running over a drunken man who was walking in the middle of an ill lit street. Just a few centimeters between life and death...hardly a comfortable margin of error. It left me rattled, and pondering my own mortality...how fragile a thing it truly is and how nobody is guaranteed the next hour or day.
In the time I have already been given, so much has been wasted...on frivolous pursuits...on inefficiencies and things that really do not matter...
It's so easy to fall back on old habits, the path of least resistance in the humdrum of life.... to be chasing the things that one is told is worthy, to lose focus...to live but be asleep....And then moments like last night, jolts one awake....to the stark reality.

A zillion years ago

It feels like a zillion years ago since I last wrote anything of substance, of feeling...but this weekend I indulged, locked myself away and devoured three books in short succession. Words poetic glorious words tumbled one over the next before my parched eyes...it has really been a very long separation...

Cairns because you can can

Finally! After about three years of let's go and then let's not go, I dragged my parents to Cairns last Anzac day long weekend. This was a huge deal for me, as ever since I was 10 I had wanted to go to Cairns on a family holiday. Although, admittedly the desire has ebbed a little with growing up and having so many more exotic destinations becoming accessible and possible. I had discussed the matter with my parents a few months prior, but because of logistics and general parental inertia (I think it happens when you are retired) nothing was finalised until two weeks ago, and then I booked the plane tickets which meant we had to go!!!
Impressions? Cairns feels like a mix between Brisbane and the Gold Coast, a lot of the residences are similar in design to what you would expect from Brisbane suburbs, while the apartments and hotels are the type that one would tend to see on the Gold Coast except more sedate and less ostentatious. The landscape is also rather flat, and the highrises not so vertically impressive compared with the GC.
On the first day, after recovering from not sleeping the night before and our regrettable choice of fish and chips at an asian takeaway in a super doggy mall, we made our way to Palm Cove. Travelling North for about half an hour, we were struck with a heavy downpour on the way but it only helped to heighten the feeling of freedom and adventure.
Palm Cove is a lovely relaxed spot of the world, with a thin strip of goldy sands and expansive clear blue water. There are several islands just off the mainland, although they were tiny and did not look inhabited. The vibe at Palm Cove is a mix of upmarket and touristy kitsch. We walked on the beach, visited a few resorts to gawk at the gorgeous decor and just relaxed...it was a lovely gorgeous wonderful way to spend an afternoon.
We decamped with the last rays of the evening to Cairns, where my parents and I walked around Cairns city, it looked admittedly a little desolate, a lot of lit stores but few shoppers. Walking up and down the rows of stores, and narrowly just escaping my father's (who is highly biased towards Chinese cuisine) half hearted attempts at trying to direct us towards several tourist traps..we finally settled on a small Japanese Ramen joint, the food was decent the service attentive and fast. I had the spicy Ramen with paper think pork slices and some exotic dark vegetable drowned in their delicious collagen soup. My mother had the same and my father a variant with less oil. We also ordered a family serving of their dumplings. We were in and out under one hour, refreshed and ready to continue or rambling aimless walk. Our next stop was the Cairns night markets, which was disappointingly just a lot of vendors selling various tourist souvenirs...was mildly tempted to go for a massage for $10...but it looked too public for it to be within my comfort zone. We finished the self directed city tour fairly early and left for our comfortable rented apartment to sleep and prepare for the early departure the next day.

Further Ramblings

Old people, they are so sedate, so frail, so conservative. And in the case of my grandmother, so stubborn, so full of pride, so strong in spirit and unwilling to show weakness even to her children.
I find myself thinking of her from time to time, perhaps it is because it is close to qingming the traditional time when those who have passed are said to return briefly to earth.
There is always lingering sadness, regrets for what was not done, frustrations at chances lost, and always underlying that...the feeling that all the things that we work so hard for, all the grievances that we cling to, everything of everything was merely an act, an ant's life....a single flicker of light, a brief flurry of activity...before the great silence...and then I think why insist on so much, why cling so staunchly to things...because ultimately it all passes...the chinese have a great metaphor in describing wealth, power and fame...they call it clouds and smoke passing before your eyes...
Love perhaps has a greater longevity...but ultimately...it too will pass...perhaps with your passing...perhaps with his passing and the passing of all that remenber you have ever walked this earth...the buddhist call it emptiness...that everything is ultimately empty...except the search for enlightenment.
I won't pretend, that I am willing to let this life pass without striving, without loving, without longing...because my heart dictates otherwise...but tonight...remenbering my grandmother and her sad, strong, lonely life...I wonder...

Random Thoughts

It feels like a million years since I last blogged...a combination of reasons none of which seem good enough in retrospect, considering that I always made time for other frivolous indulgences e.g. 4 hour soapie marathon!

Random thoughts/update:
Have been watching a lot of random Youtube clips - e.g. what's in your purse, room tour etc...fairly similar in content but I nevertheless love that snippet glimpse into a stranger's life. I'm tempted to create my own what's in my purse video, but dislike the thought of my colleagues, peers stumbling upon it and drawing adverse inferences against my character, yes I am paranoid neurotic like that.
Planning for Japan/Korea, feeling excited...there is everything still to organise but the prospect of traveling to new exotic locations, especially ones that I have wanted to go to for a while is wonderful, and since my friend and I will not be traveling with a tour group, it feels so much more like an adventure.
3 month shopping ban, going strong...two month down as of today, only April to go! Haha, although I have since purchased nail polish and skin care...that can however be rationalised as essentials...yes I do need 5 bottles of OPI nail polish....dammit.
Recently discovered lush bath products...so divine...sinking in temperate water with it is like having your soul gently caressed...total bliss out.
I had a crush on this plum coloured quilted leather gold chain Marc Jacobs bag...super cute...saw it at DJs and have from time to time gone to visit it...but because of my self imposed shopping ban...have not been able to purchase it and recently about two weeks ago it was sold...sigh...self control does alas come at a cost.
Letting go, of someone I have had a secret crush on for the past year and a half...not easy...but it's time to stop being so visceral and impractical.
In love with Faye Wong's new song 傳奇, her voice sounds ephemeral, as if it does not belong to this world...there is a pristine purity to it. She sang the song during the spring festival broadcast for the Chinese lunar new year.
Have been trying to start a new art project, and although I can visualise the concept that I want, I'm currently battling significant inertia in the execution.
If I could rule to the world then I would...impose a single language for the world and abolish religion.

Art glorious art

Spontaneously, impulsively I agreed to go with friends to GOMA, the Gallery of Modern Art in Brisbane. I had wanted to see their Triennial of Asia Pacific Art exhibit for a while, but a mix of lethargy, general inertia and busyness had kept me away. Therefore, it was with some anticipation that I approached the art exhibit, and I must say it did not disappoint. What greeted us upon stepping into the arctic air conditioning was glorious white, quaint pieces of paper folded to curve in the centre and strung together to form a flittering whimsical mast like canopy, reminiscent of Miyazaki's scene in spirited away. There was a giant wall covered in an sparkly ethnic Aztec Japanese fusion print, a life sized moose covered in crystal glass beads and various other curious things. My favourite exhibit was however the white room densely covered with white vertical strings. Stepping in your vision was obscured by the strings, and as you moved forward the strings parted around you and caressing you as you pass through. It felt like I was taking a stroll in a wonderful alien planet.

No frivolous purchases for three months

One of my NY resolutions this year was to make no frivolous purchases for three months. I originally intended those three months to be the months of January, February and March. However, lured by lingering stock take sales and ebay..I totally fell off the bandwagon in late January and ended up buying cosmetics think various nail polishes, a mimco bag that was 50% off and a manning cartell dress off ebay.
Suffice it is to say that I am disappointed in myself...as my second resolution was to live more simply with fewer possessions...and right there I had managed at the near end of a month of consumption sobriety to blow two of my resolutions...cry.
Therefore, to atone for this flagrant fall from grace (because my life is a vicious cycle of excess and then flagellation), I have resolved to make the months of February to April my new three months.
Let round two begin ~

Relevance

I was talking to a friend recently about her manager. A woman in her late forties, divorced, alone and plodding along in a irrelevant job in a small suburban store. The woman had a volatile temper, and would easily become distressed and upset at minor trifling things...rather mousy and easily dismissed...yet my friend told me, that same woman had once been glamorous, beautiful and powerful...for a period as long as twenty years she had been the buyer for a luxurious department store, and had teams of people attending to her beck and call. She was the woman that others wanted to emulate, that was admired and that was forever and always jetting around to Milan or the latest shows in Paris. It is sad, how carelessly and callously the world tosses to one side people who it deems to be no longer relevant. As a friend is fond of saying the new waves pushes forward the old waves and takes their place. So it is with everything in life, unless you are happy to be forgotten, to be left behind, you must use your efforts towards something meaningful.

Summa Field Dayz

Yesterday I went to my first music festival. Summa Field Dayz which was held in Doug Jennings Park, the Spit Gold Coast, just off Seaworld. I must admit, despite the fact that I have never really shared my friends enthusiasm for live music, and bands, I nevertheless found myself very much looking forward to the festival itself - perhaps 70% curiosity, 30% hoping for a good time.
We boarded a Brisbane Bus Line bus, which after 7 minutes, turned into the venue. A significant crowd had already accumulated outside the gates - super young, super naked and super buff. I felt fairly conspicuous, with my flower hat, and shift dress and group of Asian friends in tow. Having been checked in by a matronly and dour ticket inspector, and collected the freebies at the entrance we made our way to the various stages. There were two open air stages, one under a colossal white tent and one which looked like the michellin man transformed into a cube. There were tents with various eating options along the outskirts, and carnival rides - one imaginatively called alien invader in the center. We started in the white tent, doff doff music - trance, a lot of electro lights and rather suffocating heat - two djs behind a elongated table, which had an electric facade and which constantly changed colour in a rather trippy way. Personally trance is not a personal favorite of mine, I tend to prefer R & B, pop or dance. Bobbed for about two hours, by this stage sweat was streaming from all orifices, and all semblance of sophistication had melted from me along with my make up. The Michellin Cube venue was pretty similar, in musical talents. The open aired stage had more to offer in terms of good music and crowd response - though under the sun a lot of the people were starting to look decidedly roasted and toxic pink...eek..there was also a lot of dirt being kicked around (from the dancing), which in addition to the sweat created a shiny shellac over my skin...I don't think I have ever been this dirty in my entire life.
After Infected Mushroom we wandered around, and decided to see the Presets as a final hurrah, we wandered into the large crowd, not a big fan of their music, but the mood and energy of the crowd especially the collective singing and clapping in tune lifted the experience and made the experience fun.

3 months without frivolous consumption

One of the goals I set myself for 2010, is to live more thoughtfully and with greater simplicity. As a direct consequence, I have resolved to refrain from frivolous spending for the next three months, with the moratorium to be reviewed and evaluated in early April. Hand in hand with that goal, is the resolution not to visit ebay to buy, or browse the buy sections - as it just leads to unnecessary desires for products I don't need and yet desperately want for no valid reason.
So far it is day four and although I have not yet broken this promise to myself, I am however finding it to be a significant struggle, as it involves a complete overhaul of previous ingrained habits and behaviors. Additionally, as I am away from work and on holidays I have a significant quantity of time to dispatch and therefore find my fingers itching towards the path of least resistance. I suspect the review of beauty products, and beauty videos on youtube and vogue forums and browsing sasa.com and strawberry.net is not exactly helping my plight either. NEED to stay STRONG dammit, I need to refocus, regroup and keep this promise to myself.