Insomnia and thoughts

My relationship with stimulants has never been good, my body is excessively sensitive and therefore consumption of coffee and tea after 1:00pm generally equates to insomnia for that night. It's almost a law of my nature, consume and suffer.
Last night I drank a glass of tall cool white tea lured by the prospect of instant coolness in the heat of summer and therefore, tossed and turned all last night to no avail...sleep remained elusive despite the numerous positions I assumed, the mental lockdowns I imposed - it all failed.
Cause and effect ~

Happiness is

Pondering existential questions tonight. Having no noise to fill the void in my life, no korean dramas to fawn over, no party to attend, no work related obligations...nothing really but my thoughts and this somewhat neglected blog tonight. The colour tonight is purple blue, pensive perhaps is the best description....I feel tired after the mad bad rush of the past few weeks, tired because of the insufficiency of sleep last night and tired of all the material possessions I have recently accumulated that despite their beautiful glossy expensive exteriors are completely unable to please me or provide buoyancy to my heavy mood. I could blame it on the city, after all Brisbane is hardly the most vibrant, exciting, place to lead a young life...but deep down I know that even in Shanghai, even in Rome, even in Paris in moments of quietness there was a heaviness of the spirit a lethargy. Thus the fear of being alone, the need to attend engagements, to mingle, laugh loudly, dance like a free mad young thing. Surely there is a rational answer to all this...maybe I need to spend 45 days in Italy eating and learning the language, study spirtuality in an Ashram in India and then find love in Bali...maybe that is all that I am missing.