Weathered man

I took the shuttle bus from my apartment to the Airport today, and was introduced to our bus driver. A rather nondescript man in his mid forties, hair laced with silver, back bent. He was wearing a well loved, somewhat faded blue flannel vest, it suited him, it seemed almost like an extension of him. He smiled as he helped me with my bags, his movements were slow and rather laboured. He looked like a dad, friendly eyes, framed generously by a littering of crows feet, souvenirs from a life of laughing, a life well lived. His arms were thick and sturdy, moulded into that shape by hard manual work. It was to him perhaps just another uneventful day, going about his work, ploddingly, diligently, uncomplainingly, showing strangers a kindness here, a courtesy there. There was a quiet dignity to it all that rather touched me ~

Leaving on a jet plane

I have just spent the last one hour and a half packing my posessions, one suitcase of clothing to last me for a month despite the fact that I will only be away briefly, nine days really. Looking at my sated, full suitcase a small tingle of excitement runs up my spine, an anticipation of adventure, for new experiences, places, unfamiliar faces. It makes me smile. Although Sydney as a location is perhaps not so exotic, nevertheless an escape of any kind is exactly what I need right now ~

Youth is wasted on the young

Youth is wasted on the young, how familiar a phrase, how true a phrase... I have only started to appreciate the inherent, perceptiveness in that statement, and admittedly it rather frightens me. Looking back on the three months past, what has my time really being spent on, apart from the necessity of working, a careful examination really reveals a most half hearted and abortive attempt at living out a fulfilling life. Several attempts were made at exercising regularly, given up at the initial stages after the onset of shorter days, promises were made to read certain books necessary for mental development, which were delayed, and then delayed further. Intentions were formed of spending more time with parents, of pursuing worthwhile pursuits such as arts, investments, and yet and yet and yet nothing has been realised... Instead, I have allowed everything to sidetrack me, distract me, made every excuse to procrastinate. Sigh, it is not so much that I do not know how to lead a better life, but the inertia of starting and maintaining it ~ Which brings me back to the phrase...having being gifted so casually, with health, youth, time....perhaps that is why I do not value its true weight, and worth.

Clearance

I went through my possessions today, not everything, just one small category (accessories) in anticipation for the garage sale that my family is thinking of holding this upcoming weekend. Dutifully this morning, I opened my various jewellery boxes and went through one by one the pieces that I had, pieces that I had accumulated in my brief lifetime. Things that I had loved and locked away and forgotten about, and other things that I had purchased, just because at that moment in time the thrill of consumption and materialistic possession overwhelmed my sanity. Laying the items out, it occupied the space of my entire bed, covered completely by sparkley baubles, shiny metallic things, pins of every description, brooches, headbands.... As I laid it out, a weariness descended upon me, perhaps because it was stark, harsh evidence of the things that have so captivated me and robbed me of time that would have been spent infinitely better elsewhere, perhaps it was the sheer degree of the excess and decadence...the pure insatiable insanity of believing that I needed more when I already had so much. Looking with despair at it all, I was reminded of the black nameless thing in Hayao Miyazaki's Spirited Away, always eating eating eating, unable to stop, despite the fact that it was being made sick by what it had eaten. Naturally I am being melodramatic, but I do need to reassess my consumption patterns.

The beginning

Beginnings are interesting. Sometimes they arise from pure serendipity, a roll of the dice of fate, sometimes they are manufactured as a result of acts or omissions, sometimes they are premeditated, scripted and planned, and sometimes it seems while longing for something with every fibre of your being...provenance steps in and grants your wish ~